Honored Guest

I was asked to draft a guest post on a friend's new blog recently. We have served on committees together and partnered with client projects- she is savvy, successful, and sweet as can be. Thrilled she chose me. It may be too much biz speak to have here on Smile Lines but I trust you don't mind. Plus, I love sharing my happiness with you.


Balance? No such thing.


I am a mama of two girls, own my own boutique public relations firm, serve as PTO Co-President at my girls' school, act as president of the neighborhood homeowner’s association, owner of 3 dogs, wife of one man who keeps me on my toes and I am constantly striving to win Mother of the Year, Employee of the Year, Volunteer of the Year, Wife of the Year, and any other titles that I believe a “good girl” should win. FYI—to date I have not received but one of these accolades. Shocker, I know.


The notion of balance is a Big. Fat. Lie. And that mistruth has set me up with a lot of heart ache and an insurmountable amount of guilt.


Now, don’t get me wrong, sometimes I may be rocking one of my many roles, but I am certainly not rocking all of them at the same time. Ever. It took me into my mid thirties to learn that I am incapable of being everything to everybody all at the same time—I continue to grapple with this—daily.


I have been blessed with a healthy and happy disposition. I love my life. I love to deliver. But not every day is a cakewalk. Yet it gets sweeter with each step.


I started my PR business when my youngest was a few months old. I could not bring in enough business, work hard enough, or work long enough hours in the day. I wanted to be hands on with the baby, present for my toddler, and June Cleaver for my husband—all while establishing my agency. Business was booming, the kids appeared to be doing fine, and the husband seemed alright (although I remain haunted by comments such as, “Kiss your laptop goodnight for me”) as he clicked off the light on his nightstand and I stayed up typing away into the wee hours. I guess I also did have a brief spell spent trying to give away the barking dog on Craig’s List as he would wake the baby each time she went down for a nap. I was also terribly impatient with my eldest, I slept little and suffered migraines often. OK, life was totally off kilter.


In the midst of this a counselor said to me, “It sounds like you feel as if you’re too much and yet simply not enough—both at the same time”. BINGO!


So now, dear reader, I want to share with you some lessons I have learned on the teeter totter of life as this Mompreneur.


One was a Lonely Number


For me, support is sweet (and crucial). My team is a huge blessing. k PR could not function nearly as well without my beloved colleagues. Choose wisely---for me that means people with strong work ethics, those with your company’s best interest at heart (and yours), people who can man the store if needed, and those that align with your brand/image as they reach out to folks on your company’s behalf.


Put Down the Kool Aid


Follow your gut and don’t put yourself in a precarious position when you know better. As a publicist I spend a lot of time managing expectations for our clients and for myself. I have learned to spot prospects that believe their own press (not a good thing) and I am getting better at listening to that voice inside me when a product sounds so enticing but I know deep down would be a total energy suck to try to garner media attention for.


Sample dialogue inside my head that I once dismissed but now makes me run for the hills


To prospects:


• No, actually this is not the ‘best’, ‘first’, or ‘most revolutionary’ product known to man.


• I understand the NY Times would be amazing exposure but have you ever read a story like this in that publication? EVER?


• Honestly, would this truly make you jump off the couch and head over to your business if you saw this on TV? I didn’t think so. Then please know that the TV producer won’t think so either. It’s simply not a story.


To myself:


• This prospect sounds awesome yet with their shoestring budget we’ll wind up losing money.


• Should we really take on a business where my direct report is the owner who begins conversations with, “I would only hire you because I am too busy to do PR myself”. Knock yourself out.


• If he wants measurable results on how sales will increase after each press hit then he does not understand how PR works. Sure, you can explain how PR works--but is he really hearing you or is he merely all about his "ROI" (return on investment) at the end of the day?


Step Away from the Laptop


Persistence, drive, and behaving like “a dog with a bone” definitely pays off in the world of public relations and it is key to success. But leaving no stone unturned requires time and time requires a decent client retainer. I have learned (and admittedly I still work on this) that we can get the job done-- and done well-- but the client’s budget dictates how much time we can devote. If the client only pays for 20 hours a month, don’t service their account for 40. I have learned to state this unequivocally upfront. Finally. I had a client call me a “pitbull” once (he meant it as a compliment and my ego soared in the same way my dog’s leg goes wild when he gets a belly rub). I love when we’re recognized for our tireless efforts on our client’s behalf but over servicing when the budget is not adequate is simply unwise. Once the budget is agreed upon work toward success in the allotted time then step away from the laptop and go kiss your spouse instead. ;)


Play to Strengths


Know what you’re good at and what jazzes your team and everybody wins.


I love connecting with clients and the press and I do not enjoy research. I like editing copy but I do not like cutting the first draft. I like keeping the fire alive and adding fuel to it but I do not like lighting the first spark of an idea. Fortunately, I have team mates and clients that like all the things I do not and vice versa. It has made our work days more satisfying and proven more fruitful for our clients.


What’s a Time Clock?


You do not have bankers' hours when it’s your own gig. There is great pride in hanging my shingle out and having my own business. But truth be told I’m never truly off the clock. My 7 year old would tell you that I am “always” working. Even on vacations when my husband is checking his phone for the latest sports scores or searching online for the nearest watering hole, I have one eye on my phone ensuring there is nothing dire smoking up my inbox. But let me say while the mama guilt surely comes into play as a mompreneur and while my head is never completely out of work mode there is also so much to be celebrated about having your own business. After all, I can make it to the school plays whether they fall at 10 am or 2 pm, an impromptu walk with a friend can certainly happen if the sun chooses to surprise with an appearance, a mid-day manicure or a quick peruse of Facebook without Big Brother watching are invaluable for this girl.


So while I am not a believer in balance and the stars have never fully aligned for me to earn the title “Mama of the Year” or “Volunteer of the Quarter” I can tell you I’ve overheard my husband say some pretty awesome things about me at a cocktail party or two, each daughter at one point has told me they want to be “just like me” when they grow up, and receiving a thank you bouquet of flowers at the recent PTO auction sure humbled me. And thrilled me.


All this said, if you ask me you can definitely Have. It. All. Just not all at once.

 


Katie B. Wilkinson pictured here with a tasty pint on date night with her husband (and her phone) is the founder of k Public Relations Inc. www.kpublicrelations.com

Dream Catcher

Dear Bliss received callbacks after auditioning for summer season performances at Seattle Children's Theatre.

She is pictured here reading of the good news.

It was so deserved. While she still has to pass muster at the callbacks in order to make final cuts we are simply elated she tried out. I admire Olivia in so many ways and find myself almost daily bewildered that she is just 10 years old. As she performed on the beach last weekend while we were out walking the dogs Eric kept remarking, "I cannot believe we made this person. She is awesome." He is so right.

Truth be told, I am not one of those parents who is immensely proud when their child takes the stage at the school play, or with every drawing they create at art camp, or with every oral report they deliver. I do love hearing them and seeing them and soaking it in but certainly not all of it makes me gush and think they can hang the moon. But when Audrey and I listened with our ears to the door at Liv's audition, I was PROUD.

When Olivia bound out of the audition room doors and was beaming. I was PROUD.

When the email popped up on Friday telling me she was called back for two of the four plays they're featuring this summer I was PROUD.

A few people in my life have told me over the years that Olivia has star power. My girlfriend, Sue, once said to me when Liv was just two years old that she swore if Olivia flapped her arms hard enough she could fly. My dear friend, Carrie, has been one of her biggest fans since meeting Liv days after she turned five. Recently several teachers have remarked to me that she is truly outstanding- patient, creative, articulate, attentive, and loving with little kids (she serves as a junior counselor at her school's camp which was an honor to be asked). PROUD is an understatement.

Liv loves to gaze at the stars and she spends a lot of her time wishing on them. She is a big dreamer and asks us all the time, "Do you believe dreams come true?" She signs her emails, "Olivia Bliss Wilkinson who wants to be a child actress". 


I have told Eric since she entered our lives (and refused to be our little rule follower~a star likes to chart it's own course apparently) that she has bigger ideas and God has a grand plan. She greeted us on her due date with a song in her heart and a mission in her mind. I have said countless times over the past decade, "One day Bliss will rule the world. Or at the very least she will own the stage."

Appears the stars may be aligning.  And yes, Bliss, I do believe dreams come true. God gave me you after all.

Pictured here at age 3 performing for the ducks at Seattle's Greenlake

A Soldier Returns

Eric is slated to be home late tonight after packing up his mother's home in Syracuse, New York. He has been gone six days and he says he has been at battle since his plane touched down.

"Kate, I feel like a soldier coming home from the battlefield." he told me on our nightly call last night.

His mother is brutal~ tough. hurtful. alcoholic. insecure. ill. And now she is losing her mind.

His mother was in a major car accident three days before Christmas. A story for another day. Thank God no one else was hurt and while she was hospitalized for three days the injuries were not life threatening. Eric's cousin was determined for him to witness the pictures from his mother's facial injuries and pulled them up on her camera phone last night much to Eric's chagrin. "It was horrific," he told me. 

My mother in law's reactions to this move in many way are text book- anger, resentment, terrified, belligerent- she is leaving everything she has known for some 76 years. Yet truth be told since we moved to Seattle in 1998 she has wanted to move here. She has made it abundantly clear at each turn. We had been in the planning stages for a few years now but after the accident the timeline changed. The time has come.

She does not want to part with paintings on the wall, mounds of mail order offers she has been collecting for years, cupboards of pots and pans, piles of Christmas decorations, and all the other things you acquire over a lifetime.

Yet most of it  must go. Her assisted living space is tiny. We have purchased all new items to furnish it from the sweet pink flower wreath on the door to the flat screen TV to the tea cups. No, she can not bring the giant framed picture of six crying clowns...

"I don't like people. Especially relatives. You need to know that you are ruining my life," she has said daily. I am sparing you, dear reader, as she has said so much worse. 

But the soldier fought on. Eric filled up nearly two dumpsters of her things. By himself. He would take 20 gallon plastic tubs and load them up and lumber down two flights of stairs (the elevator in her apt. complex was out of service, naturally). He'd then lug these bins across the frozen tundra of the Norstar apartment complex until he reached the dumpster. He did this for five days usually in the veil of darkness after he'd gotten his mom off to bed.

"My heart has been racing," he told me last night. "My friend told me last night on the phone I need to be careful due to my blood pressure issues and all that is happening. I understand how stress can kill & how dealing with aging parents can cause a son to have a heart attack." he was completely serious.

My heart broke. I'd be dishonest if I did not admit to being worried about his health. He sent a good night video to us one evening and he looked like he'd aged 10 years. I went to bed thinking of my elementary school principal who had a heart attack shoveling snow as the strain was so severe.

May God protect Eric's heart. And soul.

I simply cannot wait to welcome my hero home.

Finding Bliss

This photo of my Olivia just popped up in the corner of my laptop as I was working. It was snapped right after she got her stage makeup on for her role in "Annie". I first noticed her natural beauty and then was drawn once again to her eyes. I often wonder what goes on behind them.  She has taken in the world and analyzed it deeply since she graced our planet. She would lay in her cradle with her giant blue eyes always carefully watching the bustling activity around her. She would sit in her car seat gazing out at the window as the world whirled by. I could almost hear the wheels of her mind churning. She has never missed a beat. She soaks everything in. She did not smile easily- not until she thought she had the scene all figured out. Then her smile would come. And her giant belly laugh. And she felt secure.

Her report card came yesterday. She is excelling across the board. She is exceeding standards by leaps and bounds. The only area of concern is in her sense of self. Self esteem. 

Olivia is full of life. She is bright, pretty, gentle with children, growing more empathetic than I could have ever dreamed, thoughtful, witty, silly, talented, a risk taker, a dreamer, a storyteller, & as dramatic as the day is long.

So why the low self esteem? It makes no sense to me. A 10 year old such as Liv should feel as if she has the world on a string. I spoke to her about this and we're working through whether these are simple normal tween feelings or if maybe she tends to make normal feelings bigger than they really are or whether she really, really does feel bad about who she is. She promises me she has it under control. I told her that I am here for her, and her dad, and her family, and teachers, and principal, and prayer helps. She says she's got it. 

I sure hope so because Lord knows this child was made to shine.

Happy February

I have missed you, Smile Lines. I have but a moment so was going to steal just a few and reconnect.



The photo above from last winter makes me think of love (the red gloves over my chest appear to be a bit like a heart, yes?) And I was standing with a prince after all.

Much has happened per usual since my last writing.

The winter was a busy one. Girls were in the play Annie and were just darling. I was every bit the stage mum at their weekly rehearsals. I could not be more proud of them. They are my joy.

I was incredibly sick all of Dec. I dropped a jar of jam on my toe in the middle of it all and swear I broke it. boo. It was also one of the busiest months I can ever recall. Did I already mention that?!

Christmas was spent in Missouri at the gorgeous home of my brother Peter's family. They decorated every nook and cranny, entertained us with horse drawn carriage rides, delicious meals, even had Old Man Winter grace us with a white Christmas. Our sleeping arrangements rivaled those of an inn. Perfection. Today I have never felt happier or more blessed by the family I was given. Lucky girl.

Brighton School remains one of the safest, happiest spots for our family. Liv and Audrey are thriving. That is almost an understatement.

The three dogs are smellier than ever but Al and Bell continue to make my heart sing as they lay about the house with their heads on eachother. Frib (and his steroids) seem to be keeping whatever ails him at bay which, too, is a blessing.

Eric's mom is moving here in 12 days (to an assisted living facility). God bless it all.

k PR is in a nice groove right now. My team is solid and wonderful and everything I could hope for.

We just took a quick jaunt to Disneyland and loved every moment.

I continue to love waking up next to Eric every single day despite the ups/downs of life. This weekend I realized for the very first time how truly grateful I am that we have been in a relationship for nearly 20 years and do not want to be anywhere else. Thank you, God.

The sun is out, the dogs are barking, and an afternoon of client meetings await so I am off.

May we connect again soon.

And if I do not find you before hand, Happy Valentine's Day. May your heart overflow with love.