What are we going to do, Mama?

Helpless little Olivia asked me this question tonite. I had no answer. I was as broken, distraught, and lost as she. She was lying in her dark bedroom and I was sitting alongside her as we spent another night speaking amidst the shadows and trying to figure out how to make the chaos stop. Olivia had just melted down again after she noticed I'd moved something off her floor and placed it on her bed. Out broke another world war. Just this morning Eric laid out the three main rules here at Wilkinson Manor and wrote them on the kitchen blackboard, "Listen First Time, Don't Talk Back, Show Respect." And he then outlined what our agreed upon consequences were if the girls broke the rules. First-time out for as many minutes as your age, second- lose computer time, third- lose dessert. Tonite Liv suffered all three consequences and then I had to start the cycle again with a second time out for another 7 minutes. Finally she stopped ranting and was sent off to bed. With a very heavy heart. So there I sat at her bedside with an equally heavy heart.

The evening had been so lovely. Eric worked tonite and the girls and I ate dinner in bed and watched Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. I was excited for a peaceful bedtime and had wanted to write a short, light "blog/journal entry" about what we've been up to before heading off to bed. I was going to write about the darling American Girl's Fashion Show we went to benefiting Children's Hospital. About the "camp out" the kids had in the family room on Saturday night. About the "paint with the Easter bunny event" at my client's pottery studio benefiting bereavement camps for kids. About the "dance party" and sleepover the girls had over the weekend. About a fun Saturday lunch shared with friends.
About another client's yummy chocolate dinner (coconut, white chocolate, hazlenut truffle!!)
About Audrey's initiation into cheer club--earlier tonite Olivia was making up a club and Audrey wanted to join. Liv told her it was a cheer club & that Audrey needed to know a cheer to join. Moments later Audrey made one up, One step forward, one step back, give yourself a little clap. "Am I in?" she asked.


But, the night spun out of control. again.


"I do not know why I can't listen, mom. I want to. My head tells me to and then a small voice tells me to do whatever I want. I don't know how to make it stop. I want to. I don't like making you mad and I do not like getting in trouble. I want to cry so much. I want to make it go away. I want to tell you over & over again how sorry I am that I do this all the time. I do this every day. I know it's not you. I start it and then you get mad. Then I feel bad and then you feel bad. I don't know how to fix it. What are we going to do, mama?" Her plea was pathetic. It was so sincere. So desperate. And I felt as helpless as she.

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10. That was what came to me--calm down and trust God. I shared this with Olivia. I told her that it will be OK. I told her that I promise to help her and that I will never break a promise that big. ever. I told her that God instructs us to be calm, sit quietly, and trust Him. To know that He is bigger than us and He put things in motion and can make things work for good. I told her that God chose us to be mother and daughter and that I commit to her that all will work out with us. She thanked me. She told me how much she loved me. And I kissed her tear stained cheeks and she fell fast asleep. And I wept. Right there in the darkened bedroom. And finally I was still.