As far as letting go, being calmer, enjoying ice cream, finding mamahood blissful ---well, I'm a total fraud today. Totally lost it. Full fledge tantrum. Even squealed the tires on my minivan! in front of the new dad in the neighborhood. Pathetic. Why? School lunch. Making my kids lunches is by far the crappiest morning task I have. Trust me, I've tried to do it at night and it stinks then, too. It's not the task-- it's the contents and what my kids will/will not eat. They pretty much will not eat anything. They will eat most things at other meal times but not in a lunchbox for some reason I can not fathom. For example--
bananas? no. apples? no. with cinnamon? nope. cantaloupe? no. strawberries? not a chance. I'll add sugar. no.blueberries? no. dried ones? no. raisins? no. cashews? no. almonds? no. pistachios? no.
mini bagel. no. with cream cheese? no. multi-grain crackers? no (they apparently break). cold cheese pizza? no. So I bought thermoses and offered hot foods---mac n cheese? no. soup? no. spaghetti? no. PB and crackers? no. (the peanut butter sticks to the bag). So Eric bought containers. How dare he, apparently that is so not cool! cheese sticks? no. cheese slices. no. yogurt? no. So then I resort to much less healthy food but can you see why I'm desperate? gogurts? no way, says Liv. Audrey has one daily, thank God.
fiber one chocolate chip bar? no. fruit leather? no. (makes their hands sticky). peanut butter filled pretzels? no. chocolate covered raisins? no.
mini bagel. no. with cream cheese? no. multi-grain crackers? no (they apparently break). cold cheese pizza? no. So I bought thermoses and offered hot foods---mac n cheese? no. soup? no. spaghetti? no. PB and crackers? no. (the peanut butter sticks to the bag). So Eric bought containers. How dare he, apparently that is so not cool! cheese sticks? no. cheese slices. no. yogurt? no. So then I resort to much less healthy food but can you see why I'm desperate? gogurts? no way, says Liv. Audrey has one daily, thank God. fiber one chocolate chip bar? no. fruit leather? no. (makes their hands sticky). peanut butter filled pretzels? no. chocolate covered raisins? no. 
They will eat carrots, grapes, rice cakes, and some crackers--Liv won't eat goldfish but she will eat saltines--nice and healthy, 'eh? Here's a handful of white flour and salt basically. On top of all this I have to send Olivia to school with a mid-a.m. snack AND a snack for the afternoon on the days she has piano or cheerleading practice. So, back to this a.m. I was making lunch and every request was rejected. Oh, one more tangent--I KNOW not to give them choices when they are so picky because they will decline everything and the rational thinking is--if they're hungry, they'll eat SO I have sent them to school with what I want them to eat and then it all comes home. brown apples. warm cheese stick. soggy strawberries. And I can't stand the waste. So I lecture and remind them of starving children and how unfair it is that mama and papa work to provide for them and they let the food we buy rot in their lunch box. I know how awful my lecturing is too, trust me. And I know that at the end of the day I should probably let this whole school lunch issue go. But today I simply couldn't. Anyway, back to making lunch this a.m.--that was how my tantrum started. Then my computer jammed as I was printing something for a 10 a.m. mtg. And you can believe--it's a very bad hair day. So the kids are finally loaded into the car and Audrey does not have her lunchbox. Not that it matters. Would her body really miss a gogurt and a PB chip rice cake anyway? So I start to lecture about personal responsibility and send Olivia inside to find her sister's lunchbox that I set on the counter. And the clock is ticking. She could not find it. And the minutes are passing. Now mama is on the war path. I got out of the car SLAMMING the door behind me and I could not find it either. Not in my office, my bathroom, their bathroom, downstairs bathroom, not in either kids bedrooms, neither dog had brought it onto their respectives posts. Nowhere. I returned to the car. Not in Liv's backpack either. And there it was. It had fallen next to Audrey's seat on the side of the car. And now I was 10 minutes behind schedule. And I am usually 10 minutes behind "that" schedule so I'm now about 20 minutes late for everything...So I turn on the radio and blast the volume to 48 (another quick tangent--48 is nothing on my earlier, crazier mama tantrum days when both kids were babes--62 was my all time high and Eric bought me a shirt and had it embroidered to prove it--something I am so not proud of-- believe me). 
So back to the radio--Coldplay was on and droning, "Nobody said it was easy". I could not change it fast enough. Sheryl Crow's voice is now blaring in the car as she crooned, "Soak Up the Sun" and the lyrics are, "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you have". And then that still small voice appears. Conscience? God? Telepathy from my kids? Turn it down, switch the station, and chill the heck out. And I did. I didn't want to. But I did. And thankfully for Liv we'd arrived at her school. Audrey got to ride the next few minutes listening to Radio Disney as she does most days. Upon arrival she spells I L-O-V-E Y-O-U and then she adds, "You're all of my dreams come true." Is this kid going to need therapy or what? So I turn the car off and hug her and tell her how wrong I was. I told her I had a tantrum over school lunch. And then I was mad that we couldn't find her lunch box so I was now upset over losing something silly. I told her how wrong that was and how I tell them not to get upset over clothes, hair, and things that can be fixed and found. But that I went and did it. I asked her how it felt when I acted like that and she said, "you're like a monster." ouch. She's right. So that "you're my dream come true" was more like a nightmare for sure. But she did not say it. She didn't have to. Bless her. But I know. "Mom, you need to talk to yourself and talk to God. It helps. He can send messages to calm you," she says. Good luck getting my attention. I then took her to class and spelled to the teacher that I was a real B-I-T-C-H this morning and so Audrey girl may feel the after effects. She nodded and assured me that this too shall pass. And then I was off. Turning the key in the ignition the radio comes on and The Wiggles greet me with "Fruit Salad. Yummy, Yummy". Are you kidding me? God apparently does have a sense of humor.
So back to the radio--Coldplay was on and droning, "Nobody said it was easy". I could not change it fast enough. Sheryl Crow's voice is now blaring in the car as she crooned, "Soak Up the Sun" and the lyrics are, "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you have". And then that still small voice appears. Conscience? God? Telepathy from my kids? Turn it down, switch the station, and chill the heck out. And I did. I didn't want to. But I did. And thankfully for Liv we'd arrived at her school. Audrey got to ride the next few minutes listening to Radio Disney as she does most days. Upon arrival she spells I L-O-V-E Y-O-U and then she adds, "You're all of my dreams come true." Is this kid going to need therapy or what? So I turn the car off and hug her and tell her how wrong I was. I told her I had a tantrum over school lunch. And then I was mad that we couldn't find her lunch box so I was now upset over losing something silly. I told her how wrong that was and how I tell them not to get upset over clothes, hair, and things that can be fixed and found. But that I went and did it. I asked her how it felt when I acted like that and she said, "you're like a monster." ouch. She's right. So that "you're my dream come true" was more like a nightmare for sure. But she did not say it. She didn't have to. Bless her. But I know. "Mom, you need to talk to yourself and talk to God. It helps. He can send messages to calm you," she says. Good luck getting my attention. I then took her to class and spelled to the teacher that I was a real B-I-T-C-H this morning and so Audrey girl may feel the after effects. She nodded and assured me that this too shall pass. And then I was off. Turning the key in the ignition the radio comes on and The Wiggles greet me with "Fruit Salad. Yummy, Yummy". Are you kidding me? God apparently does have a sense of humor.p.s. Got a new biz call last week from a company starting "healthy, fun lunch packages for kids" (kid tested/mom approved)! And they're delivered right to school and camp- no muss, no fuss. Was I interested in helping them with their public relations? YES, YES, YES. I may be willing to take compensation in trade I am so interested! Is that another sign?
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