I'm starting to freak out again. When it happens Eric always warns, "here comes the snowball gaining speed down the hill again, Kate." Doom. One little thing leads to another and another and before you know it I've blown the smallest things into huge deals. I've kept the snowballs at bay for a good season or two but apparently the skies have grown gray and it's starting to happen again. I was horrid to the kids today (and I was not with them all day by any means), I'm starting to worry about my health again, and I do not even want to elaborate on my thoughts about my weight and appearance. What happened? It's been an overall good yet busy summer. Trip to see friends, week at the beach, visit from my mom, loads of fun camp sessions for the kids, new clients and new projects. Things with Eric could not be better. What went wrong? Perhaps I've piled my plate too full? Not exhaled enough? Or maybe I'm just simply having a few of those days (let's hope). I'll start with the trip to the beach. 
The coastal town of Seabrook, WA is quintessential. 
It looks like a quaint New England village right out of Nantucket or Martha's Vineyard. 
The scene is complete with 1940's beach cruisers,
charming cottages, and happy, relaxed families chatting with neighbors on their front porches or enjoying happy hour in front of the fire 
or in each home's outdoor hot tub. How I wish I had more pics but the camera lens froze on day two of the trip and therefore, we were camera-less. For me that's torture! Anyway, the idyllic setting lost its flair for me about four days in to the trip when I damaged my foot so badly (still no clue what I did) that I wound up in the ER for five hours while our friends who came to spend the weekend with us wound up babysitting our kids and making all the meals. (Quick side note-I saw my dr. back in Seattle on Mon. who feared I had a bone infection. The foot was so swollen which made the x-rays tough to decipher just what I did to the side and bottom of my foot BUT I am 7 days in now and I was able to put on a shoe today--all will be well). Somehow my foot injury made me panic that there was something very wrong with me health-wise--how could I be in such pain over just a pulled or torn tendon? My mind wandered again and I felt myself going back to my paranoid place. Business has been super. I signed on new clients and took on new projects. Too much too soon on top of my company's current workload though if truth be told. I was tied to my laptop the first three days of vaca due to a big media blitz happening. Not relaxing. So here I am back to the grind--too many balls being juggled I guess. Nothing really wrong at all and terribly guilt ridden about how I was to the girls today. I flipped out on Olivia first thing this morning when she called me "evil" for packing her camp bag. "EVIL???" I snapped. "Evil is if someone were to come in here right now and shoot me --now THAT would be evil. Calling your mom evil for packing your bag for camp is certainly not evil---are you crazy?" Or am I? And yes, I did give that example of someone shooting me. ugh. I will spare you the details of yelling at Audrey in the shoe department tonite. I have a client doing a "back to school" fashion segment on TV tomorrow--we planned for six kids of various ages to wear various styles from three different types of stores (specialty boutique, department store, and a resale store) and do it all in a four minute window of time. That's overwhelming enough yet when the girls and I showed up after swim lessons today to do the run through there were 10 kids in four groups all dressed and ready for prime time. I thought six was stretching it...Shortly after that scene was when I had my shoe department tantrum. The kids are asleep, Eric (thankfully for him) is at a concert, I have loads of work to do so no time to worry about my health, weight, and how crappy a mom I've been. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully my snowball will begin melting rather than pick up steam although my mother-in-law arrives for ten days, my dad is going in for surgery after a cancerous lump was found, and Olivia's 8th birthday party is this weekend complete with a trip to Libby Lu and Red Robin with 7 girls...exhale...
The coastal town of Seabrook, WA is quintessential. It looks like a quaint New England village right out of Nantucket or Martha's Vineyard. The scene is complete with 1940's beach cruisers, charming cottages, and happy, relaxed families chatting with neighbors on their front porches or enjoying happy hour in front of the fire or in each home's outdoor hot tub. How I wish I had more pics but the camera lens froze on day two of the trip and therefore, we were camera-less. For me that's torture! Anyway, the idyllic setting lost its flair for me about four days in to the trip when I damaged my foot so badly (still no clue what I did) that I wound up in the ER for five hours while our friends who came to spend the weekend with us wound up babysitting our kids and making all the meals. (Quick side note-I saw my dr. back in Seattle on Mon. who feared I had a bone infection. The foot was so swollen which made the x-rays tough to decipher just what I did to the side and bottom of my foot BUT I am 7 days in now and I was able to put on a shoe today--all will be well). Somehow my foot injury made me panic that there was something very wrong with me health-wise--how could I be in such pain over just a pulled or torn tendon? My mind wandered again and I felt myself going back to my paranoid place. Business has been super. I signed on new clients and took on new projects. Too much too soon on top of my company's current workload though if truth be told. I was tied to my laptop the first three days of vaca due to a big media blitz happening. Not relaxing. So here I am back to the grind--too many balls being juggled I guess. Nothing really wrong at all and terribly guilt ridden about how I was to the girls today. I flipped out on Olivia first thing this morning when she called me "evil" for packing her camp bag. "EVIL???" I snapped. "Evil is if someone were to come in here right now and shoot me --now THAT would be evil. Calling your mom evil for packing your bag for camp is certainly not evil---are you crazy?" Or am I? And yes, I did give that example of someone shooting me. ugh. I will spare you the details of yelling at Audrey in the shoe department tonite. I have a client doing a "back to school" fashion segment on TV tomorrow--we planned for six kids of various ages to wear various styles from three different types of stores (specialty boutique, department store, and a resale store) and do it all in a four minute window of time. That's overwhelming enough yet when the girls and I showed up after swim lessons today to do the run through there were 10 kids in four groups all dressed and ready for prime time. I thought six was stretching it...Shortly after that scene was when I had my shoe department tantrum. The kids are asleep, Eric (thankfully for him) is at a concert, I have loads of work to do so no time to worry about my health, weight, and how crappy a mom I've been. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully my snowball will begin melting rather than pick up steam although my mother-in-law arrives for ten days, my dad is going in for surgery after a cancerous lump was found, and Olivia's 8th birthday party is this weekend complete with a trip to Libby Lu and Red Robin with 7 girls...exhale...
Posts
6 comments:
You are not alone. I've been there with the snapping comments in public and inappropriate examples of what life could offer. If I could go back and count the times I've tucked the kids into bed at night and apologized for Mommy's unkind words or actions, I would probably crawl under a rock and never come back out.
Hang in there, school will start soon and give you even more time to exhale with friends over warm cups of coffee. Hugs, J
bless Blogger that it will not let me post a comment, so here's an "anonymous one"!
I think this lousy summer has not helped the moods of many. I'm soooo tired of the rain and we hoped so badly that our family vacations would offer some relaxation and much needed downtime. Your vacation was not quite the rest you craved due to the nature of your business and your poor injury. Mine was not the recharging variety due to the nature of camping in the Pacific Northwest! Ugh.
The kids are back at school soon and all I can think of was where did that time go? We seemed to be constantly busy - constantly in a rush. I don't remember my school vacations like that - they seemed to last so much longer (in fact they were some six weeks shorter than the US version!) long idyllic days of relaxing, unhurried and generally such a fun time..
BUT! Then it's probably just revisionist history and those proverbial rose coloured glasses, when I look back at my own childhood! Both of which I hope our own children will engage in when they too look back on their childhood! I've a feeling you and I, as indeed many parents, might be viewed as doing a pretty fine job of this parenthood lark..
(or they might even have drive thru' therapy by then!!!)
Carrie
It's no mystery to me! Your plate is too full. Just the thought of hosting a child's birthday party would be enough to turn me into a raving maniac. And hosting a parent for 10 days? Well, I won't even go there. I made a complete scene at Starbucks this morning when Oliver wouldn't write his name on a birthday card. I showed about 15 people what a fabo mom I was by literally pushing my son out the door. Of course he fell, which made me look even more horrible. Then as I started the car, someone who had been sitting outside came up to my window and told me I left my purse in the coffeeshop, so I had to go back in. Hi people - yes, I am a monster. Good times. It happens to us all, even if some people don't admit it.
Hey girlfriend - I'm so sorry to learn your Seabrook trip turned a bit sour. Our trip to Hawaii was very nice but not without many trials and tribulations with the kids. And today, first day back from vacation the kids were awful to eachother, to me, and vise versa. Insane to say the least; now at bed time they are in separate rooms, crying - histarically.
The joys of parenthood and I ask, why did I think it would be so wonderful to be a parent? Those "rose colored glasses" sure do hide all the horrible moments of being a parent.
Hang in there - sending positive thoughts and patience for us all.
Nick
God Bless you Katie,..
Your blog makes me smile sometimes because they are so unabashedly honest and vulnerable. Wow, what a great gift to be able to open up and share like that. You sometimes inspire me. And I'm sure you have dozens and dozens of flaws, as we all do but your HEART and DESIRE to be the best mom/ wife/ professional and human being, you can be SHINES so bright, the flaws are barely noticeable. If you are interested in a 3rd party perspective. BTW, you're amazingly beautiful person Katie (inside/ out). But you already know that so I hope you continue to have positive thoughts about your inner and outer beauty. Keep blogging. You are a terrific writer and thanks for sharing your inner most thoughts with us. :)
Wow--where to begin? With thanks seems best. I so appreciate all your thoughts, hearts, insight, candor, and friendship. I am sorry you have been here (truly). While I know it is normal I also know that being in the trenches can be painful. Chesty, your comments have touched me beyond words--I am eternally grateful for your kindness. I appreciate that we can all be vulnerable and open ourselves up to our own weaknesses and share them in the light together. Thank you for doing so with me. Here's to better days and most of all--to counting blessings as we all know in the end it's worth the good, bad, and ugly--no matter how trying it can be....ox, k
Post a Comment