I apparently really messed up this year with a couple of girlfriends. And I've apologized, empathized, and reached out. But they're not interested or at least the lack of response to my outreach and now their lack of Christmas cards is leading me to conclude that they're done with me. Or in blatant, harsh terms and the way their lack of contact is making me feel, I am "dead to them". I am surely not the world's greatest friend. And yet I adore all my friends and treasure my relationships. I pray for them. I remember them fondly and miss them all dearly but I am learning for some--that's simply not enough. My lack of availability led to the demise of one relationship (or that is what I am led to believe). Differing opinions caused the other relationship to suffer. And I am devastated by both losses. For all my flaws I am not one to hold grudges. Eric and my dad are both quick to tell me, "not everyone thinks like you, Kate." Thank God. Yet when it comes to bonds, friendships, and love I did think I was on the same page with my friends. While many of them would concur regarding my lack of availability--others would see the pace of life (both mine & theirs) and understand. For many I am blessed to be among the first phone calls they make when they've found a lump, had a sick child, or needed an honest opinion. So here it is 3 days before Christmas--still no cards from them. I am hopeful they didn't forget me. Or at least let our friendship die. My cousin died this summer. 22 years old. Dead within moments. tragic. horrific. incomprehensible. My aunt would do anything to bring him back. Life is short. And precious. And I will never understand how people can choose to let relationships die when we are still living. And more than that- when we are missing them. And welcoming them back. And waiting. For a simple holiday card to show that I am not dead afterall.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
4 comments:
Katie:
Hi! I just had the time to read your Christmas letter and I loved your writing and your thoughts! I just read this blog and thought . . . you know, it's possible that they (your buddies) may be even more harried than you.
My best friend Kay lives in Southern California and doesn't have children, but she does have a business that takes easily 12 hours a day most days of the week. While my kids were little I think we went for as long as 5 years (yah, read that 5 YEARS) at a time without talking to each other. Then as the girls got older, and by luck - well at least it was lucky in terms of reestablishing my relationship with my friends in California - my girls decided to go to school where I had gone - in Claremont. And guess what? Kay and I are best friends again. And I've reconnected with 2 or 3 more of my friends from Southern Cal, and it has been wonderful and sustaining to be back in those friendships.
So, maybe you guys are just too busy now - with kids and husbands and work . . . don't fret too much because you WILL have more time later . . . and later comes much quicker than you would ever believe it could.
Lots of hugs to you and yours,
Have a wonderful holiday!
Dianne - yah, Whitham
I am so glad to hear from you, Aunt Dianne! Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts/wisdom. And for the message of hope. I more than understand the busy-ness of it all but their hurt, anger and apparent rejection has really affected me. While I think my post was a bit over-the-top/dramatic I also use this outlet as a "diary-of-sorts" so I did want to convey how deeply it has impacted me. As for you/me, I sure hope we keep in touch! I was so pleased to hear from you! I wish you and Buff and the girls a happy holiday season, Aunt D. hugs to you 4, k
I totally related to this post! I also looked this year for a Christmas card from an old friend, someone who was really close to me, someone who was much like me. I know that our "break-up" was partially my fault, but I reached out to try to repair it and haven't heard from her since. I know that she was going through a hard time - divorce, two kids, one with medical/mental issues, general busy-ness - but it wasn't really that big of an issue in my mind. I regret losing a friendship, but I won't spend too much time worrying about it. I know she must partially miss me too. If she's still angry, then that's an emotion I have plenty of all on my own - I don't need help from anyone there!
Still, it makes me sad. So I know how you feel and I'm sorry for your 'loss'. Like your aunt says, you never know what the future may hold and things may repair themselves, but sometimes, it's just time to move on. You are one of the nicest most caring people I know and I feel blessed to know you.
I also have friends with whom I talk only once every other year or less, but when we do talk we pick up right where we left off. There is a difference and I know it in my heart.
Hang in there and I hope that someday they remember the great friend they had and try to reach back out to you and I know that with your generous heart you will be there to reach back.
Thank you, Rebecca. It means the world to me to hear such wonderful advice from people I have such respect for. I am sorry you have been through this scenario as well. I can relate to the reaching out and being rejected--for me, that's what hurts so much. I also can't understand holding grudges so this is very perplexing and disheartening. I appreciate the wisdom that it is sometimes simply time to forge ahead. My heart remains open and I do regret the pain I must have caused to severe what I thought were strong ties. Their rejection feels so calculated and vindictive which is really a shame...But, you are right, I will be here and I am so touched that you would know that about me.
Post a Comment