Mama Meltdown

The kids have been off from school for two days (again). Yesterday after a bit of a stir crazy morning and one that I "thought" I could juggle some work and some parenting I finally relented and packed the kids up (along with Audrey's doll pram) and we set off on an adventure.


It all started out beautifully.


A walk in Lake Forest Park.





A visit to Starbucks.

A stop at the book store.

As all these lovely bonding moments were taking place my phone was ringing, email inbox filling up and text messages pouring in.

I had told the painter earlier in the day that I would meet him at 2 p.m.


I told a potential new client I would call him at 3 p.m.


I had to return a client call about a new project that would happen late in the day.


Once my girls outing was done I planned to switch hats and make it all happen.


Wishful thinking.

The client phoned a couple times about an issue that I was already frustrated about (she wants a project done and the person I am contracting with to shoot the video for it has jacked his rates up by $1500--clearly I needed a quite period to discuss this with him and then with the client).


The potential new client was ready to deliver a check straight away in hopes that I would begin his media relations asap so after three emails in a matter of minutes my blood started to boil considering I pitched him about the project last FEBRUARY.

The painter's text messages told me he was waiting outside my house. 45 minutes early!

So I told the girls we had to leave the bookstore. IMMEDIATELY.

Liv wanted to read me "one more poem from Where the Sidewalk Ends" and Audrey must have had 20 books that needed to be put away.

As I listened to Olivia read and struggled to find the locations from where Audrey took the books I started to lose it (as the noise in my head grew louder).

We made it onto the sidewalk and then it happened. Audrey innocently ran in to the back of my ankles with her doll carriage.

And Mama snapped.

I scooped up the doll stroller and lectured the girls about being more careful, walking faster, listening to me when I needed them to, taking out one book at a time, and on and on. It was a bunch of nonsense that made Audrey cry and Liv look totally and utterly defeated.

Now I really had something to be overwhelmed about. I was a horrible mother.

I spent the rest of the day apologizing with a pit in my stomach and a bruise on my heart.

Why didn't I just tell the painter he was early and I would be there at 2? like I initially said

Why didn't I tell the new client (he did show up with the check THANK GOD) that he could wait another day? afterall it had been nine months

Why didn't I simply tell the photographer to draft a proposal explaining why we would want to pay him 3X his normal rate and then I would submit it?

Why was I taking this all on at the cost of my children?

Truth be told it was the snowball effect.

I wanted to meet the painter as he was rehanging all the curtains and peg racks and shelving in the girls rooms. I know how much Eric hates to do it and I was trying to make it just right. I started to resent that Eric couldn't just get it done and so I had to manage it and mess up my day.

As for the new client deal I thought about how beggars can't be choosers and in this economy a new account is a gift so I needed to make myself available.

As for the photographer---I resented that I had to act as his agent when this was money HE wanted.

At bedtime I continued to grovel to my girls. As she played with my hair Liv said, "I already forgot about it, Mom. You're forgiven. You rock. You would be so ugly if your hair was like this." Seems like things were back to normal.

In Audrey's room I apologized to her and she said, "Remember at church yesterday my Sunday school teacher said I had a heart like God? I will share some of it with you. It's all OK now, Mama."

And perhaps the biggest lesson? The next time I embark on an adventure with my girls I'll leave my PDA in the car.