"You're hovering. They're doing great~let's go." Carrie said to me last evening as we dropped the kids off at an overnight swim and gymnastics party at the local academy.
Audrey had been in a fabulous dance recital earlier in the day and did not get to bed until nearly midnite the night before since we went to dinner and hung out with friends.
Plus, neither of my girls swim much so they are not too experienced which was causing me some concern.
AND Audrey is still only 4 and the youngest camper (although she did attend the same swim/gymnastics overnighter last year at age 3 and lived to tell about it!)
The lack of sleep, lack of swimming skills, and the fact that Eric was out of town and I would be all alone in the house in the middle of the night apparently was causing me to "hover." Unnecessarily.
A relaxing time with a couple of girlfriends enjoying apps and yummy cocktails occupied several hours of the evening. It wasn't until 2 a.m. that I fell into bed and slept poorly for just 5 hours before pick-up.
My girls were still asleep when I arrived this morning. The camp counselor gave me the skinny on how the night went--Audrey cried after swimming as she wanted me and was starving. After the pizza party she got better until it was time for movies (midnight!) and she was upset again. Thankfully, she fell fast asleep just moments into Ratatouille but did wake crying in the middle of the night and required a soothing back pat to ease her back to sleep (I have already bought the Starbucks thank you card for that dear counselor!) Liv proudly announced that she watched BOTH movies and went to bed around 4 a.m. oof.
Clearly, naps were on the horizon. After shutting off the phones, locking Frib in our bedroom and allowing the girls to choose where they'd slumber they finally slept.
An hour later Liv was up and at 'em. With a clearer, more refreshed mind I asked her about the night- what her favorite part was (she won the hula hoop contest so that was top on her list) how all of her friends got along (some of them were growing tired and grumpy, she said. "But, I understand.")how the swimming went (I had to stay in the "safe" area and I wanted to go in the deep end.) So I asked her about lessons and if she wanted to spend more time at the pool learning to swim. "Mom, NO, I don't want to talk about it."
"Shall we grab lunch and then go out and paint rocks or play a game?" I asked her changing the subject.
"Mom, NO. Leave me alone."
I then heard Carrie's practical, honest truth she spoke to me the night before, "You're hovering".
So off I went to the kitchen to make lunch. Moments later Liv happily bound into the kitchen chatting me up about the great game of "Swim Fishy Swim" she'd played the night before. My little cub was out of hibernation once I backed off...one more parenthood lesson learned.
We also gave Eric various home made cards, tickets to the Dad's Day beerfest, assorted goodies, a photo album reflecting the first 40 years of his life and a gift certificate for a 1.5 hour togetherness massage we were slated to cash in on yesterday. The day was to be spent at the spa before we checked in to the deluxe suite at The Westin Seattle where we were hosting a party for many of our wonderful friends. We had some great fun planned and everyone was doing their part to make it a personal, memorable evening. But, alas, we succumbed to the perils of parenthood. It was a particularly rough morning for Olivia. After a long winded meltdown, late arrival to school, & phone call from the principal--Eric called the whole deal off. I was crushed. For him. For our guests. For me. And someday I assume I will be for Olivia. It is still too fresh and too upsetting to elaborate further and not necessary either. I am still processing.
I got lost in the book, The Glass Castle, and Alice & I joined Olivia underneath the blankets. At day's end I was very content and happy to be their mama. The tireless adventurer 
and sleeping beauty. 
mini bagel. no. with cream cheese? no. multi-grain crackers? no (they apparently break). cold cheese pizza? no. So I bought thermoses and offered hot foods---mac n cheese? no. soup? no. spaghetti? no. PB and crackers? no. (the peanut butter sticks to the bag). So Eric bought containers. How dare he, apparently that is so not cool! cheese sticks? no. cheese slices. no. yogurt? no. So then I resort to much less healthy food but can you see why I'm desperate? gogurts? no way, says Liv. Audrey has one daily, thank God.
fiber one chocolate chip bar? no. fruit leather? no. (makes their hands sticky). peanut butter filled pretzels? no. chocolate covered raisins? no. 
So back to the radio--Coldplay was on and droning, "Nobody said it was easy". I could not change it fast enough. Sheryl Crow's voice is now blaring in the car as she crooned, "Soak Up the Sun" and the lyrics are, "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you have". And then that still small voice appears. Conscience? God? Telepathy from my kids? Turn it down, switch the station, and chill the heck out. And I did. I didn't want to. But I did. And thankfully for Liv we'd arrived at her school. Audrey got to ride the next few minutes listening to Radio Disney as she does most days. Upon arrival she spells I L-O-V-E Y-O-U and then she adds, "You're all of my dreams come true." Is this kid going to need therapy or what? So I turn the car off and hug her and tell her how wrong I was. I told her I had a tantrum over school lunch. And then I was mad that we couldn't find her lunch box so I was now upset over losing something silly. I told her how wrong that was and how I tell them not to get upset over clothes, hair, and things that can be fixed and found. But that I went and did it. I asked her how it felt when I acted like that and she said, "you're like a monster." ouch. She's right. So that "you're my dream come true" was more like a nightmare for sure. But she did not say it. She didn't have to. Bless her. But I know. "Mom, you need to talk to yourself and talk to God. It helps. He can send messages to calm you," she says. Good luck getting my attention. I then took her to class and spelled to the teacher that I was a real B-I-T-C-H this morning and so Audrey girl may feel the after effects. She nodded and assured me that this too shall pass. And then I was off. Turning the key in the ignition the radio comes on and The Wiggles greet me with "Fruit Salad. Yummy, Yummy". Are you kidding me? God apparently does have a sense of humor.
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